So I was flirting with someone recently, fairly relentlessly and near-constantly for days straight, but at some point, their insecurities and such led to them telling me reasons they knew I wasn't interested in them. I have things I can say on that single sentence premise alone (and might later, or elsewhere, depending on my mood), but this post is about one specific reason that they gave: I only have one kink, and she has a lot of kinks, and most of them she figured I wasn't interested in. Now, with the exception of one, we didn't ever really touch on what that list of "a lot of kinks" were, but my "only one" kink is pretty obvious: hypnokink. And that comment, in and of itself, bothered me almost instantly.
First of all, anyone who sees me as more than "person who does hypnosis" and gets to know me can tell that I have more kinks. Maybe not more fetishes, if you're gonna be pedantic, but more kinks. The main thing that bothered me is that, even in talking about what we were interested in, talking about how what each of us liked... all she thought about with me was just the fact that hypnosis would be included, and that's it. Not about what I'd like, what I'd do with it, what I'd be interested in from her interests... just "hypnosis guy." Don't get me wrong, I can work with being the local hypnokink expert and such, but I don't like being just "the hypnosis guy," you know? There's a lot of facets to me, to how I play, to what it is that I do and want to do, and I'm not a fan of being filtered down to something so simple-sounding.
Even if I didn't have other interests myself, many kinks can be serviced by, met, or merged with hypnokink. Power exchange, caregiving, bondage, various forms of roleplay, pet play, tickling, just to name a few varied ones (which, by the way, count among things I'm personally interested in to some degree... "only one kink"... ahem...). And this bothered me partly because it's a common issue of mine: Some people are used to thinking "I'm not into that one kink, so I can't get anything out of it," without talking about it, because, well, that's the case for a variety of other kinks! If you're not into bondage, you probably won't jump into bondage equipment or into being tied up. If you're not into impact play, you probably won't immediately pick up a flogger or get up on a St. Andrews Cross to be whacked. If you hate electrical play, you'll stay clear of violet wands. Now, if you have a problem with someone getting into your head, or you fear what's there yourself, then I get avoiding hypnosis, fully understandable. But for those who are simply not personally interested in hypnosis, it always mildly frustrates me that rather than asking "what would you do with that," some jump to "I'm not into that thing, so I'll be over here." I get it, but it does frustrate me. This person wasn't saying such, not saying they did... but the "only one kink" thing made me think of these frustrations.
The last of the things that bothered me about the "only one kink" sentiment? Only one kink implies that one isn't good enough, or is not satisfactory for anyone, or that one's being graded by how many kinks one is into. You can have a single kink and be quite amazing. You can have none, that's fine! You can have several, too, and there's no problem with that. That said, having several doesn't mean you're great with any of them (just like having several years under your belt doesn't mean you're the best around). That's not saying anything of chemistry between people and how one may not enjoy a particular kink or combination of kinks with anyone but someone they have strong chemistry with.
So this is a nice, long rant about how much it bothers me to see what I do or want to do as "only one kink." Now this one person, I'm fairly certain, was just not thoughtful about her words, but these sentiments all exist out there for real, I've ran into them multiple times, and so I can't help but be bothered by them, or by someone being thoughtless about them. Here's hoping that my rant, in addition to simply letting me vent, also helps someone be a bit less thoughtless in the future.
