X-posting with FetLife
Majority of kink-based groups, organizations, etc. are volunteer-based. To make things happen, people volunteer to clean, volunteer to feed attendees, volunteer to setup or tear down, volunteer to register or check the door, volunteer to overlook play area(s) for spaces with such, etc. These people are not Dominant or submissive or switches or vanilla or non-D/s kinksters... they're people who want to help in some way, either large or small. If people did not volunteer, various fun things wouldn't be the same, or wouldn't happen at all. And yes, I count literal leaders (board, concom, staff, organizers, etc.) as volunteer positions, most times, even when they get reduced attendance cost, or free attendance, to the stuff they organize.
Saturday, November 10, 2018
Friday, October 26, 2018
Only One Kink?
So I was flirting with someone recently, fairly relentlessly and near-constantly for days straight, but at some point, their insecurities and such led to them telling me reasons they knew I wasn't interested in them. I have things I can say on that single sentence premise alone (and might later, or elsewhere, depending on my mood), but this post is about one specific reason that they gave: I only have one kink, and she has a lot of kinks, and most of them she figured I wasn't interested in. Now, with the exception of one, we didn't ever really touch on what that list of "a lot of kinks" were, but my "only one" kink is pretty obvious: hypnokink. And that comment, in and of itself, bothered me almost instantly.
First of all, anyone who sees me as more than "person who does hypnosis" and gets to know me can tell that I have more kinks. Maybe not more fetishes, if you're gonna be pedantic, but more kinks. The main thing that bothered me is that, even in talking about what we were interested in, talking about how what each of us liked... all she thought about with me was just the fact that hypnosis would be included, and that's it. Not about what I'd like, what I'd do with it, what I'd be interested in from her interests... just "hypnosis guy." Don't get me wrong, I can work with being the local hypnokink expert and such, but I don't like being just "the hypnosis guy," you know? There's a lot of facets to me, to how I play, to what it is that I do and want to do, and I'm not a fan of being filtered down to something so simple-sounding.
Even if I didn't have other interests myself, many kinks can be serviced by, met, or merged with hypnokink. Power exchange, caregiving, bondage, various forms of roleplay, pet play, tickling, just to name a few varied ones (which, by the way, count among things I'm personally interested in to some degree... "only one kink"... ahem...). And this bothered me partly because it's a common issue of mine: Some people are used to thinking "I'm not into that one kink, so I can't get anything out of it," without talking about it, because, well, that's the case for a variety of other kinks! If you're not into bondage, you probably won't jump into bondage equipment or into being tied up. If you're not into impact play, you probably won't immediately pick up a flogger or get up on a St. Andrews Cross to be whacked. If you hate electrical play, you'll stay clear of violet wands. Now, if you have a problem with someone getting into your head, or you fear what's there yourself, then I get avoiding hypnosis, fully understandable. But for those who are simply not personally interested in hypnosis, it always mildly frustrates me that rather than asking "what would you do with that," some jump to "I'm not into that thing, so I'll be over here." I get it, but it does frustrate me. This person wasn't saying such, not saying they did... but the "only one kink" thing made me think of these frustrations.
The last of the things that bothered me about the "only one kink" sentiment? Only one kink implies that one isn't good enough, or is not satisfactory for anyone, or that one's being graded by how many kinks one is into. You can have a single kink and be quite amazing. You can have none, that's fine! You can have several, too, and there's no problem with that. That said, having several doesn't mean you're great with any of them (just like having several years under your belt doesn't mean you're the best around). That's not saying anything of chemistry between people and how one may not enjoy a particular kink or combination of kinks with anyone but someone they have strong chemistry with.
So this is a nice, long rant about how much it bothers me to see what I do or want to do as "only one kink." Now this one person, I'm fairly certain, was just not thoughtful about her words, but these sentiments all exist out there for real, I've ran into them multiple times, and so I can't help but be bothered by them, or by someone being thoughtless about them. Here's hoping that my rant, in addition to simply letting me vent, also helps someone be a bit less thoughtless in the future.
First of all, anyone who sees me as more than "person who does hypnosis" and gets to know me can tell that I have more kinks. Maybe not more fetishes, if you're gonna be pedantic, but more kinks. The main thing that bothered me is that, even in talking about what we were interested in, talking about how what each of us liked... all she thought about with me was just the fact that hypnosis would be included, and that's it. Not about what I'd like, what I'd do with it, what I'd be interested in from her interests... just "hypnosis guy." Don't get me wrong, I can work with being the local hypnokink expert and such, but I don't like being just "the hypnosis guy," you know? There's a lot of facets to me, to how I play, to what it is that I do and want to do, and I'm not a fan of being filtered down to something so simple-sounding.
Even if I didn't have other interests myself, many kinks can be serviced by, met, or merged with hypnokink. Power exchange, caregiving, bondage, various forms of roleplay, pet play, tickling, just to name a few varied ones (which, by the way, count among things I'm personally interested in to some degree... "only one kink"... ahem...). And this bothered me partly because it's a common issue of mine: Some people are used to thinking "I'm not into that one kink, so I can't get anything out of it," without talking about it, because, well, that's the case for a variety of other kinks! If you're not into bondage, you probably won't jump into bondage equipment or into being tied up. If you're not into impact play, you probably won't immediately pick up a flogger or get up on a St. Andrews Cross to be whacked. If you hate electrical play, you'll stay clear of violet wands. Now, if you have a problem with someone getting into your head, or you fear what's there yourself, then I get avoiding hypnosis, fully understandable. But for those who are simply not personally interested in hypnosis, it always mildly frustrates me that rather than asking "what would you do with that," some jump to "I'm not into that thing, so I'll be over here." I get it, but it does frustrate me. This person wasn't saying such, not saying they did... but the "only one kink" thing made me think of these frustrations.
The last of the things that bothered me about the "only one kink" sentiment? Only one kink implies that one isn't good enough, or is not satisfactory for anyone, or that one's being graded by how many kinks one is into. You can have a single kink and be quite amazing. You can have none, that's fine! You can have several, too, and there's no problem with that. That said, having several doesn't mean you're great with any of them (just like having several years under your belt doesn't mean you're the best around). That's not saying anything of chemistry between people and how one may not enjoy a particular kink or combination of kinks with anyone but someone they have strong chemistry with.
So this is a nice, long rant about how much it bothers me to see what I do or want to do as "only one kink." Now this one person, I'm fairly certain, was just not thoughtful about her words, but these sentiments all exist out there for real, I've ran into them multiple times, and so I can't help but be bothered by them, or by someone being thoughtless about them. Here's hoping that my rant, in addition to simply letting me vent, also helps someone be a bit less thoughtless in the future.
Saturday, May 19, 2018
First (K)inklings from Early in the Journey...
A writing challenge was started among some friends on FetLife recently, and frankly, it inspired me to write, so here ya go.
Here's a link to the Writing Challenge, for reference. And for those who aren't on FetLife, here's the meat of the writing challenge:
(X-posting with my FetLife writings, with only minor edits in the intro)
So, I've written in general about how I've gotten started with erotic hypnosis before, sort of, but not in terms of overall kink journey, so I'll write here as though I haven't written about it before.
*takes a deep breath in to start*
So my realization of kink interests was later than a good deal of people I know, but I was still young adult at the time (I know some people discover this kinda thing in 40's and 50's, so just being fair here). When I was a senior in college, my sleep cycle was all over the place and I was unable to get to sleep at a normal hour, and after seeing a random stage show hosted by my college, I decided to research self-hypnosis to try to fix that, I was curious about hypnosis intellectually. I researched as best I could online, looked up e-books, seeing what had been written up in various places, not trusting any information unless I saw it 3 or more times. I eventually was successful with helping get my sleep on track, mostly just by getting myself to a point where I was not just tired, but half-asleep, at a proper hour.
After I was successful with myself that way, I realized I could likely hypnotize others if I wished to... and my mind pretty much defaulted to erotic thoughts pretty quickly. Best way I could articulate it is this: "If a hypnotist can make another more giggly and happy, or sad and teary-eyed... why not aroused, excited, etc.? And if a hypnotist can make another itchy or tickled... why not erotic pleasure?" (both the "giggly/happy" and the "itchy sensations" and the "tickled sensations" being common stage show antics, for reference). I knew I wanted something "kinky" at around that point, that I wanted something different... but all I knew was a single kink, and I was clueless on other kinks.
There were multiple forums and groups for people interested in hypnosis erotically, and some groups had "databases" of people interested in doing hypnosis with others and in what context (erotically, just innocent fun, etc., and as hypnotist, subject, or either/or), which is how I got to practice initially.
Then one of the forums pointed out "CollarMe" (now CollarSpace... and it was almost as much a cesspool then as it is now... almost) had "hypnosis" listed as an fetish in its list. I made a profile, and eventually met my first longer-term (long distance) D/s play partner. I'd met others that enjoyed D/s before, but this was the first one I had chemistry with in terms of power exchange and showed me I enjoyed and could really get into the Dominant role. I still had a shit ton to learn and figure out, but I figured out a lot about me with her. I didn't "need" power exchange, but I very much enjoyed it (a significant difference between then and now, D/s is an important piece to me now). I also met the first girl I'd end up playing with in person... we didn't have chemistry, but that meet up was partially how I ended up vetted to meet up with @MentalConfetti several years later, so that's a thing. I wrote about that whole experience on Tumblr a while back, check it out here.
Eventually, another group pointed out this fairly new website, FetLife, and that an Erotic Hypnosis group had already been created there. Heck, living in Connecticut, a "New England Hypnosis Group" was formed... damn right I was joining that, a local group, where meeting multiple people with this specific interest in person might actually happen? Hell yes. That group met several times at places/times I couldn't make it to... eventually meeting at the fairly local dungeon, The Society of CT (wrote about that experience here, also on Tumblr). It was my first time actually seeing S&M and see other people doing their power exchange things... and man I felt like a bit of an outsider... but at the same time... it felt homey. Eventually, I became a member there, observed a lot, discussed a lot, got a lot of diverse perspectives.
I've been part of or was there for some hypnokink groups forming, I've observed several start from a distance, as well as several conferences start from almost nothing into decent-sized cons for something I'd still consider at least semi-niche... I've watched some groups of all sorts, hypnokink or general kink, just die out and others evolve to something completely different from what they were, some for better, some for worse... Ten years is a lot of time for things to change.
I eventually met my girl @MentalConfetti during that time, and it's shocking looking back that we've actually been together for more than half of my time exploring kink, she's been a large part of my time in the scene at this point, and I know I've been a significant part of hers (since she didn't get a lot of opportunity to explore until we met, though I'd be interested in seeing her follow up on this writing challenge, too, *cough*). Part of how I've gotten here is just exploring things with her and ensuring she knows I trust her perspective.
So, at this point, definitely pretty significantly into my kink journey, as should be obvious (TL;DR?), and I've definitely lived out my kinks in reality far more than some others ever do... and I've been at it long enough that, honestly, I have to actually figure out again what it is I want today, as it's different than it used to be. I'm not done, though, and never intend to be, just time to rekindle myself in some manner. Not expecting things to be significantly different, but that's part of the journey is keeping on the tracks, sometimes finding the tracks again, or getting off at one stop and getting onto the next train, you know?
Here's a link to the Writing Challenge, for reference. And for those who aren't on FetLife, here's the meat of the writing challenge:
- I want to learn about how you first realised that you wanted something outside the norm, that you wanted more than just vanilla.
- How did you end up here?
- Are you brand new, or are you far into your journey?
- Have you managed to live out your kinks yet or are they still in the realm of fantasy?
(X-posting with my FetLife writings, with only minor edits in the intro)
So, I've written in general about how I've gotten started with erotic hypnosis before, sort of, but not in terms of overall kink journey, so I'll write here as though I haven't written about it before.
*takes a deep breath in to start*
So my realization of kink interests was later than a good deal of people I know, but I was still young adult at the time (I know some people discover this kinda thing in 40's and 50's, so just being fair here). When I was a senior in college, my sleep cycle was all over the place and I was unable to get to sleep at a normal hour, and after seeing a random stage show hosted by my college, I decided to research self-hypnosis to try to fix that, I was curious about hypnosis intellectually. I researched as best I could online, looked up e-books, seeing what had been written up in various places, not trusting any information unless I saw it 3 or more times. I eventually was successful with helping get my sleep on track, mostly just by getting myself to a point where I was not just tired, but half-asleep, at a proper hour.
After I was successful with myself that way, I realized I could likely hypnotize others if I wished to... and my mind pretty much defaulted to erotic thoughts pretty quickly. Best way I could articulate it is this: "If a hypnotist can make another more giggly and happy, or sad and teary-eyed... why not aroused, excited, etc.? And if a hypnotist can make another itchy or tickled... why not erotic pleasure?" (both the "giggly/happy" and the "itchy sensations" and the "tickled sensations" being common stage show antics, for reference). I knew I wanted something "kinky" at around that point, that I wanted something different... but all I knew was a single kink, and I was clueless on other kinks.
There were multiple forums and groups for people interested in hypnosis erotically, and some groups had "databases" of people interested in doing hypnosis with others and in what context (erotically, just innocent fun, etc., and as hypnotist, subject, or either/or), which is how I got to practice initially.
Then one of the forums pointed out "CollarMe" (now CollarSpace... and it was almost as much a cesspool then as it is now... almost) had "hypnosis" listed as an fetish in its list. I made a profile, and eventually met my first longer-term (long distance) D/s play partner. I'd met others that enjoyed D/s before, but this was the first one I had chemistry with in terms of power exchange and showed me I enjoyed and could really get into the Dominant role. I still had a shit ton to learn and figure out, but I figured out a lot about me with her. I didn't "need" power exchange, but I very much enjoyed it (a significant difference between then and now, D/s is an important piece to me now). I also met the first girl I'd end up playing with in person... we didn't have chemistry, but that meet up was partially how I ended up vetted to meet up with @MentalConfetti several years later, so that's a thing. I wrote about that whole experience on Tumblr a while back, check it out here.
Eventually, another group pointed out this fairly new website, FetLife, and that an Erotic Hypnosis group had already been created there. Heck, living in Connecticut, a "New England Hypnosis Group" was formed... damn right I was joining that, a local group, where meeting multiple people with this specific interest in person might actually happen? Hell yes. That group met several times at places/times I couldn't make it to... eventually meeting at the fairly local dungeon, The Society of CT (wrote about that experience here, also on Tumblr). It was my first time actually seeing S&M and see other people doing their power exchange things... and man I felt like a bit of an outsider... but at the same time... it felt homey. Eventually, I became a member there, observed a lot, discussed a lot, got a lot of diverse perspectives.
I've been part of or was there for some hypnokink groups forming, I've observed several start from a distance, as well as several conferences start from almost nothing into decent-sized cons for something I'd still consider at least semi-niche... I've watched some groups of all sorts, hypnokink or general kink, just die out and others evolve to something completely different from what they were, some for better, some for worse... Ten years is a lot of time for things to change.
I eventually met my girl @MentalConfetti during that time, and it's shocking looking back that we've actually been together for more than half of my time exploring kink, she's been a large part of my time in the scene at this point, and I know I've been a significant part of hers (since she didn't get a lot of opportunity to explore until we met, though I'd be interested in seeing her follow up on this writing challenge, too, *cough*). Part of how I've gotten here is just exploring things with her and ensuring she knows I trust her perspective.
So, at this point, definitely pretty significantly into my kink journey, as should be obvious (TL;DR?), and I've definitely lived out my kinks in reality far more than some others ever do... and I've been at it long enough that, honestly, I have to actually figure out again what it is I want today, as it's different than it used to be. I'm not done, though, and never intend to be, just time to rekindle myself in some manner. Not expecting things to be significantly different, but that's part of the journey is keeping on the tracks, sometimes finding the tracks again, or getting off at one stop and getting onto the next train, you know?
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