Name Droppings, Vouching, Vetting... Venting...

Cross-posted with FetLife for main location of comments and discussion.

It's been something I've wanted to talk about for a while now.  Now, this is not directly related to me, just more relevant to stories I've heard from friends, acquaintances, event organizers, etc. within the kink community.

Vetting, dropping a name of someone who "knows you," saying someone will vouch for you, what's it mean?  When is it valid?  When is it under false pretenses?  When is it meant genuinely, but something got miscommunicated?  And what's it look like to organizers, regardless?

“Why Not Just Hypnotize Them to Do It?”

Cross-posted at FetLife at https://fetlife.com/users/79448/posts/5485995

So this is something I’d thought about for a while… in fact, I’d wrote a bit about the topic already, multiple times, bit-by-bit, but I hadn’t been quite satisfied enough with the writing to post at the time.   So, I left it be each time.

Then, months later, I get home from an erotic hypnosis conference, and it hits me like a ton of bricks: for 4 days, I was surrounded by anywhere from 100 to 350 people (not hyperbole), and I had had many conversations of all kinds… and there were a few things I never heard, which I then came home and heard at least once at at least every other general kink event I went to for over a month.  At least, meaning minimum.  It’s a harsh reminder that, while general kinksters get a lot of what I’m about, I still don’t feel fully comfortable getting into what I enjoy among a general kink audience, because of awkwardness, or shame, or worry, or, best case scenario, frustration.

You see, moving through the general kink scene as a hypnofetishist can be… interesting.  It’s not the most commonly discussed fetish, at least not as a fetish or kink, so I’ve seen even a kink veteran’s eyes light up with that look of “I just got a fresh new toy” and another’s go to strong concern and questioning.

I just f’ing love the “New awesome thing!” look, that feeling, that sentiment, it’s one of the multiple reasons I love to teach hypnosis topics (in addition to the whole “Come into the flock!  One of us! One of us!” thing).

That said, however, people often can be uninformed and say things without thinking anything of it… or, sometimes, they do think about it and make broad assumptions… and I recognize that sometimes broad assumptions may be made for very good reason, like only bad apple(s) as a frame of reference, and sometimes because they have no frame of reference at all.  And many times, I fall back on analogy and metaphor comparing to a “more common” kink that isn’t hypnosis, which you’ll see at various points in this writing, and encourage you to do so, as well.

Before I go any further, if any one person or group thinks I am speaking to them specifically… well, I’ve lost count of how many times and how many people, from all over, I’ve heard these and similar from over the course of a decade exploring the kink scene in-person (and about 1-2 years of mostly-online and private play before finding an entry point to the scene local to me by finding FetLife).  So, if any of these statements sound like you, no, I’m not targeting you or specifying you, but there is the possibility that I have thought on some of these things while talking with you.

Views on Volunteer-Driven Groups

X-posting with FetLife

Majority of kink-based groups, organizations, etc. are volunteer-based.  To make things happen, people volunteer to clean, volunteer to feed attendees, volunteer to setup or tear down, volunteer to register or check the door, volunteer to overlook play area(s) for spaces with such, etc.  These people are not Dominant or submissive or switches or vanilla or non-D/s kinksters... they're people who want to help in some way, either large or small.  If people did not volunteer, various fun things wouldn't be the same, or wouldn't happen at all.  And yes, I count literal leaders (board, concom, staff, organizers, etc.) as volunteer positions, most times, even when they get reduced attendance cost, or free attendance, to the stuff they organize.

Events, Social Circles, and Inclusivity

No matter what you do, try to do, or try to avoid: every large enough community you will ever be a part of, whether you lead it, make it, or simply be in it without a strong role, will have subdivisions, a big enough social circle will have small social circles within it.  And often times those subdivisions, whether intentionally or not, will feel like cliques, will feel closed off to “outsiders.”  This goes for at any workplace, this goes for school groups, this goes for other vanilla groups, this goes for the kink scene as a whole, and this goes for smaller communities within the kink scene.

Hell, we can very much debate the topic (and it already HAS been, and will continue to be), but in my opinion, the Erotic Hypnosis community is a clique within the kink scene. For those that say “I’m not kinky, I just find erotic hypnosis and mind control hot,” I want you to realize, there are plenty of Spankos, spanking-enthusiasts, that feel the exact same way about making someone’s ass so bruised that it’s purplish-black: that they’re not a part of the “kink scene” really, they just find spanking hot. Labels get silly after a while is all I’m saying.  As this is not the point of this piece, I will leave this here, dangling, and I humbly request that if this gets discussed, it get its own independent thread of conversation.  Now then, back to the concept of “cliques,” and, in particular, those within the erotic hypnosis community…

The Known, Trusted Name Dilemma

Big, known names.  Community leaders.  Presenters.  Respected names.  Trusted names.

I’d consider myself a trusted name that is semi-known.  Some people recognize my avatar quite quickly online, some have no clue who I am.  Some people meet me in person and go “Oh, YOU’RE AmHypnotic!” and some people meet me and treat me identically to everyone else around, “So are you new to the scene?” “*snicker snicker*.”  Those that know me, they trust me a good deal.  Enough that I am seriously curious, if I were to call someone “big” out on something serious (no one in mind as I write this, don’t read into that), how much of an impact there’d truly be in the erotic hypnosis community… or, in a lesser scale, the local kink community I’m part of.  Would there be waves?  Would there be a divide?  Would it be surprisingly overwhelming which side got popularity?  And yes, I do say “popularity” for good reason.

That mixture of responses to “do you know AmHypnotic?” suits me just fine, but I consider the actions I take to have a similar impact to that of someone with a big, known name (which is also, I imagine, why I’m trusted).

What do I mean by that?